Vanae Williams
āWe are all just trying to find our way through our own unique journey but our colors are made brighter by the storms and darkness that force us to grow and our light is made brighter by the impact and connection we have to each other.ā
šVANAE WILLIAMS @VANAE_WILLIAMS
š§”LOCATION: VARIOUS LOCATIONS IN VANAEāS HOMETOWN OF CARSON CITY, NEVADA- @SILVERSTRIKECROSSFIT, HER BROTHERāS MEMORIAL BENCH IN TELEGRAPH SQUARE, THE CAPITAL WALL, AND KINGS CANYON WATERFALL
šPHOTO BY: @CASSADIZZLE_
š¤BLACK āTEARSā ITEM: LEGGINGS/BENCH/EXERCISE EQUIPMENT/WATERFALL BACKGROUND/RAILING
šSKIRT BY @INDIE_TRUE_
šFOLLOW @TEARSANDTULLE
š¤IN VANAEāS WORDS...
For me, Following the skirt has brought so much joy and a feeling of connection and unity at a time that I need it the most.
Receiving the skirt, now that was on a whole new level. See...it was easy enough for me to read other womenās stories and admire their images and experiences with the skirt from afar, but to step out into the spotlight- now that was anything but easy. Iāve always been introverted, insecure, a real behind-the-scenes kind of girl.
Who am I to step into my power and speak out and be seen? Why does anyone care about my story? How can I possibly help or impact others if I have no face, no story for them to relate to? How can I make them feel that no matter their struggle, they are not alone?
This last couple of years, life has forced me to look at myself and recognize that all that love and healing I want to help others find is what my higher self has been begging for all along. I started a project called The Lighthouse and the Moon where I wanted to āsolveā the puzzle we know as grief and help others find their way to the finish line. What I didnāt know was that I was preparing myself to learn that there is no finish line.
Last July I unexpectedly lost my youngest brother James and it was a blow that knocked me down in a way that I am still trying to find my bearings and figure out how to get back up. One of those āonce every hundred years earthquakesā that damage the foundations that you walk and build your life on. How fragile is cement and steel? More fragile than you think possible.
When you lose a member of your immediate family, a piece of your identity and a cornerstone of the story that your foundation is built on, it changes you-it teaches you things you can only learn in the dark.
I had days where I couldnāt get out of bed, I had days where I was angry at everyone and everything, I had (and still have) days where Iām so numb, I wonder if Iāll ever truly feel anything the same way. I had days where I had no desire to do the things that always make me feel alive- lift weights or take photographs. Many of those days, the darkness won and I was too weak or apathetic to do anything but survive, but there were so many more days where I did it in spite of that darkness.
Those were the days where I lifted heavier, fought harder and found strength that I didnāt know existed. Those were the days where the colors in the rainbow were more radiant than I had ever seen them. I truly appreciated them for the first time because of the darkness I had walked through. You see there really is no formula, no secret path or finish line for grief.
There is only a fight within you to remember that person and take them with you every day, living with love and purpose, learning and growing with every storm that passes, loving like you wonāt get another chance and honoring them with all that you are.
We are all just trying to find our way through our own unique journey but our colors are made brighter by the storms and darkness that force us to grow and our light is made brighter by the impact and connection we have to each other.
About Vanaeā¦
Vanae is a mother of 3, personal trainer, photographer, writer, introvert and coffee and chocolate lover. Two years ago she started a project called The Lighthouse and the Moon where her mission is āPainting Light in Dark Placesā.
She believes that when we sit with grief, feel through it and express it, it can teach us so much. She aspires to walk with people during grief, Illness, and adversity and help them to rebuild themselves and come out healthier, stronger and wiser with a renewed sense of hope, faith and purpose.
Through her sons cancer treatment and long term care and through loss and trauma in her own life, she has learned that grief (though painful) can be a gift when we choose to face it and itās so much easier to have a healthy mind when you build a healthy body.
When she is not training, moming, lifting weights, or taking photographs, she can be found drinking coffee, visiting with her family, sneaking frozen yogurt or enjoying nature.
Access The Lighthouse and the Moon Facebook here.